


Bad Poet and Good Artist

by lovewashisname



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Emo Kylo Ren, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Polyamorous Character, Soft Kylux, Trans Kylo Ren, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-02 19:55:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13325358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovewashisname/pseuds/lovewashisname
Summary: Hux has moved schools before. He's sure this time won't be any different. He'll keep to himself, make a few acquaintances, and put up with his father the best he can. But not even an hour into his first day and he's shattered his phone, walked into a gorgeous boy, and had a very, very awkward conversation with said gorgeous boy.In other words, Hux meets the incredibly sad Ben Solo, and maybe he doesn't want to leave this school so soon.





	1. Chapter 1

Hux had moved schools before. He'd moved countries, even, so it wasn't a big deal that now he went to this school. He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, blue eyes narrowing as he looked around. Maybe it wasn't a big deal, but anxiety gnawed at his stomach all the same. He tried to focus on the Halsey song that was playing in his earphones, looking down to fiddle with his phone whenever someone made eye contact with him. 

But this method cost him, as he turned a corner, and walked straight into a taller male. He dropped his phone, and his earphones were pulled out of his ears in a way that was slightly painful. But that was the least of his worries. He looked up, suddenly, at the person he'd bumped into. The slightly taller male was bulkier, with broad shoulders, and strong arms - his face however, was gorgeous. Half of his long, tousled hair was pulled up into a bun, whilst the rest fell around his face. His eyes were dark, and flitted over Hux's features, making the redhead nervous. He eyed a scar that ran down the male's cheek, and found himself wanting to touch it. 

"Might wanna watch where you're going," the other muttered, and stooped down to pick up Hux's phone, shoving it at his chest. Hux frowned, taking his phone, and looking at the other again. "Are you mute? Usually people say sorry." 

He pushed past Hux, and the redhead found his hands shaking slightly. He didn't know what to make of his shakiness, or obvious anxiety, so he looked down at his phone instead. Only to find his screen shattered, so that when he turned on his phone, his lock screen was barely recognizable. He gasped. He swore internally, cursing this beautiful boy for running into him, making him flustered, and ruining his phone.  
His parents were going to kill him. 

He shoved his phone away into his back trouser pocket, glad that it was hidden by his oversized black sweater and looked down at his new schedule and map once again, hurrying to find his class. The classroom wasn't difficult to find, since he'd been close enough when he'd bumped into the moody, phone-shattering boy. He was the first in the class, and he appreciated the opportunity to talk to the teacher quietly about his preferred name before anyone else could get to class. 

The teacher was understanding, and she nodded with a sweet smile before assigning him a seat near the back of the class. "You'll be right next to Ben Solo," she said, setting the modified seating plan down. "He's a little difficult at first, but I'm sure you'll get on just fine."

Hux just nodded, opening his workbook and flipping to the back pages so that he could make a quick sketch of the boy he'd bumped into in the corridor. It was just something to pass the time, he told himself, and he continued to sketch as more students filed into the class. He bit his bottom lip, trying to push the knot of anxiety in his stomach down and away. He didn't want to deal with it now. 

Prominent nose. Dark bags under the eyes. Thick brows. Plump lips. And the scar. He scar was almost addictive to draw, and he added much more detail than was probably needed. He was started out of his artistic daze, though, by a significant presence over his shoulder. He looked up, to find none other than the phone-smasher himself standing right by him. He looked judgmental, almost, his eyes narrowed slightly, and his brows in a state that told Hux nothing about what he thought. 

He rushed to hide the drawing, stumbling as he did, his cheeks blushing a deep red. He glared at the tall male. "What? Don't you have something else to give your attention to?" he snapped at him, waving a dismissive hand. The boy said nothing, and sat down, in the seat right beside Hux. The smaller male swallowed. 

"That was me, wasn't it?" he asked, dark eyes looking Hux up and down. Hux looked at his black hoodie, his skinny jeans and big boots. He didn't look safe. But he didn't look dangerous, either. He stared at Hux a little longer, before reaching over and snatching his workbook, flipping to where the drawing was. 

"G-Give it back, you dick," Hux hissed, and grabbed for his notebook, but didn't manage to get it back. He winced as the boy examined the drawing, scrutinizing every part of it. It was embarrassment that made Hux's cheeks flush, and that made his stomach turn. "Please."

The male cleared his throat and turned toward a Hux so that the redhead could see his whole face. He pointed to his scar. "It's longer," he said quietly. "And not that deep." He moved his fingertip away, and Hux stared at the scar with his lips slightly ajar. It should've been illegal for scars to look so good. He chucked the workbook back onto Hux's desk, nodding. "Otherwise, it's good."

Hux cleared his throat and nodded, looking away and trying not to look back too quickly. "I'm Hux," he said, his voice shaking slightly. The dark-haired boy was still staring, though, and it was something close to a glare. Hux said nothing more, feeling too nervous to do so. The bell rang, and a few last pupils ran into class, the chatter slowly dying down. 

"I'm Ben.. Call me Kylo, though," he said, glancing at Hux once more before he looked away, focusing on his phone hidden behind an open textbook. Hux allowed him one more glance before he sighed quietly and nodded.

-

"Armitage!" Hux heard his father shout. Hux visibly flinched and ran upstairs, his cat Millicent following not far behind, meowing every now and then. Hux thought it seemed like the gentle, ginger cat was warning him. "Armitage , get in here!" Hux resisted the urge to complain and did as he was told, running into his bedroom, where his father had been rummaging through his things. 

"Yes, dad?" Hux answered, watching as his father cast aside his backpack, which contained his new workbooks and a borrowed library book on realistic sketching. He couldn't contain the whimper that escaped him. Millicent stood in the doorway, as though she knew it was too risky to go inside. His father held up his phone, and Hux's stomach dropped. Oh no. 

"What happened here?" he asked firmly, shaking the phone in front of Hux's face. 

Hux shook his head. "An accident. I-I bumped into someone," he said, cursing himself for the stuttering. Hux's father narrowed his eyes, and Hux could tell that the truth wasn't going to cut it. He was going to get in trouble for this, no matter what. "I'm sorry. It really wasn't on-"

Hux broke off into a quiet squeak as his father threw his phone to the floor, completely wrecking what had been left of it. "You think an apology will fix this?" his father roared, the anger in his voice so obvious that it scared Hux. The thin male shook his head desperately, a lock of ginger hair falling into his eyes as he did so. "You know how much that cost?!"

Hux shook his head again, and felt the tears well up in his eyes. He clenched and unclenched his fists over and over at his sides, a sick feeling bubbling in his throat and stomach. "Shut your eyes," his father muttered. Hux's eyes widened and he shook his head, opening his mouth to protest, but saying nothing. "Shut them!" This time, Hux squeezed his shut, too scared to do anything else. 

He heard the impact of his father's palm more than he felt it. The familiar 'thwack' as palm connected with cheek, hard enough to make him stumble backwards. A small cry left him as the pain began to set in. He heard his father's footsteps as he left Hux's bedroom. "Let this be a lesson for you."

But Hux knew that with his father, every lesson learnt was another one unlearned.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! just to let you all know, ill be trying to update this fic every two days. but in case an update doesn't come after two days, don't worry, ill be doing updates at least once a week. thank you for reading!  
> ps, i made kylo the softest emo boi possible

Hux was left with a mottled purple bruise on his cheek bone, the edges of it turning green. It was a very bad bruise - he'd had worse. But it was on his face, and that made it much more noticeable and much more difficult to hide. He was pleasantly surprised, though, when only one of his teachers asked about it. He easily changed the subject, though, steering it into safer ground. 

This safety only lasted until lunch, though. He'd sat himself in a corner, by himself, so that he wouldn't have to experience the embarrassment of asking a group of people to sit with them. He much preferred to be alone, and not an awkward addition to an already established group. He was lost in his thoughts, trying to correct his sketch of Kylo, when someone set their tray down in front of his, sitting down. 

He looked up, and felt a little relieved when he saw that it was Kylo, although his stomach twisted anxiously. He'd expected for Kylo to look at his drawing - after all, that was the only thing they'd managed to have a conversation about so far. Why else would Kylo choose to sit next to him? But Kylo was staring directly at him. "What happened to your face?" he asked, his brows drawing together. 

Hux's eyes widened. "What? You mean the bruise?" he asked, reaching up to touch it with careful fingertips. Kylo nodded, his brows still furrowed. There was a small dip between them, and Hux wanted to reach over, so he could smooth it out with his thumb. He shook his head instead. "Nothing happened. My father happened to open a door and it hit my face." Kylo still looked dubious, but he didn't push the subject, instead pushing a lock of dark hair behind his ear. 

Hux noticed a pair of black earrings on the lobe of his ear, and pointed a little, clearing his throat. "Those are.. They look nice," he said, his voice faltering slightly. He thought that it sounded terrible, like an awkward change of subject as well as an unflattering compliment. But Kylo seemed to perk up at this, raising his eyebrows slightly. 

"My mom thought they were a bad idea, but they're pretty cool, right?" he asked, reaching up to touch them. Hux noticed that there was a matching pair of rings in his other ear. He nodded, and offered Kylo a small smile. 

"They suit you," he said, shutting his workbook now that they were having a proper conversation. "A septum piercing would, too." Kylo made a small grunting sound, raising an eyebrow, as though he were considering this idea. 

"Maybe. But my parents would never let me," he said with a small nod. Hux opened his mouth to say that it would probably go well with his hair, but he was interrupted by someone sitting down beside him. 

"Hey, Ben," the girl said, smiling sweetly at Kylo, and then at Hux. 

Hux was unsure of what to say - the girl hadn't told him her name, nor had she made it apparent that she was interested in him at all. She had brown hair, and a few freckles scattered across the bridge of her nose. She looked a little similar to Kylo, despite all the very obvious differences. 

"Don't call me that," Kylo said, his voice was cold and almost aggressive. Even when Hux had bumped into him, Kylo hadn't sounded so angry. Now though, he was glowering at the girl, a nauseous and annoyed expression tugging at his features. Hux snuck a quick glance at him, sketching down what he looked like with that expression. "Hux, this is Rey... She's my cousin."

Hux looked up at Rey, and she smiled sweetly at him. "Ben mentioned you yesterday. She said you-"

"Rey!" Kylo muttered through gritted teeth, both of his fists clenched on the tabletop. Rey raised an eyebrow, raising her hands in defense. Kylo sighed, chewing on his bottom lip. A heavy, awkward silence fell over the three of them, and Hux raised his eyebrows, gathering his things quickly. He didn't understand Rey's sudden use of feminine pronouns, nor did he understand Kylo's evident hatred of his given name. 

"Hey, where are you going?" Kylo asked, his anger fading into disappointment, as he looked up at Hux. He looked a little distressed, and the way he glanced at Rey said that the last thing he wanted was to be left alone with her. Hux hesitated, looking from Kylo to Rey. What kind of excuse could he come up with?

It seemed he didn't need one, though, because as he went to get up, someone else sat down beside him, along with someone sitting beside Kylo. Hux looked at the two new males who were sitting at the table. Rey grinned slightly, resting her chin on her palm. "Hello, boys," she said, the tone of her voice completely different to when she'd spoken to Kylo. 

"Hey, Rey," one of the other male's said. "Hey, Ben. Who's your friend?" Kylo frowned at this, and he stood up before Hux could even mention that Kylo didn't like his given name. He said nothing as he left, and Hux's expression became a little blank, as he was left at the table with three total strangers. 

Hux cleared his throat, sighing softly. "I should, uhm.. I should go-" 

"Wait, we didn't get to talk much," Rey said, grabbing his arm and pulling him to sit back down. She gestured to the other two boys, blushing a little as she smiled. "These are my boyfriends, Poe and Finn."

Hux nodded, offering the two boys a weak smile. "Can I go now?" he asked, and he hated the way he sounded desperate. He sounded like he was going to run after Kylo and make sure he was okay. And he wasn't, which made it even more embarrassing that it sounded like he was. 

Rey frowned a little, and one of the boys (Poe, if Hux remembered correctly) spoke up. "Don't worry about Ben. She's just sensitive about her given name," he said, grinning at Hux. He didn't seem to be very bothered that his girlfriend's cousin had stormed off all of a sudden. But in all fairness, Rey didn't seem very bothered by it either. 

"Why do you keep referring to Kylo with feminine pronouns?" Hux asked, raising an eyebrow. Rey looked a bit taken aback, and her eyebrows drew together as she sat up straight and smoothed a lock of hair out of her face. 

"Maybe Ben should tell you why," Poe said. Rey nodded, not saying much as she took out her phone as a distraction. Hux nodded, standing up and collecting his things, tucking his sketch of Kylo away into his backpack. 

As he was about to leave, Finn spoke up. "Be careful with her, okay? It's easy to get on her nerves," he said. "Are the two of you friends, though?" Poe laughed a little at this, as though it were impossible that anyone would want to be Kylo's friend. 

Hux narrowed his eyes slightly. He'd only met Kylo yesterday. They didn't qualify as friends, yet. "Yes, we're friends," he said, just to spite them. He put his stuff in the trash, and then made his way to his next class. 

As he approached the door, he found that Kylo was already sitting outside, listening to something on his phone, and reading from a book titled 'German Poetry Translated'. Hux rolled his eyes. Kylo looked like he might be the most emo person he'd ever met. The dark-haired boy looked up at him as he settled down beside him, gently nudging him with his knee. 

"I didn't know that German poetry was a thing that people could be into," he said, raising an eyebrow. Kylo looked a little irritated at this, pulling out one of his earphones. He handed it to Hux, who willingly took it and began to listen. 

It was a strange sort of miserable hip hop and rap that Hux had never heard before. He wasn't sure he liked it. "You've never read poetry until you've read Rainer Maria Rilke," Kylo told him, looking very invested as he flipped to a specific page in the book. He held it out to Hux. "Here. Tell me what you think."

-

"Armitage! Get in here!" 

Hux swore under his breath, and got up from where he was sitting on his bed. He'd been reading a book that he'd borrowed from the library with Kylo. A compilation of Rilke's more popular poems. It seemed that Kylo knew what he was talking about when he called Rilke one of the best poets. 

But that wasn't really important right now. He made his way downstairs to the kitchen, where his father was waiting for him. Hux sighed quietly, running a hand through his hair. "Yes, dad?" His dad raised an eyebrow, and held out a box to him. 

"A new phone. Take care of this one properly. You won't be getting another one for at least a year," his father said firmly. Hux's breath caught as he took the box, his eyes widening. "And if you get your grades up, I'll buy you some books, too. Does that sound okay?"

Hux nodded, hugging the box to his chest. He smiled at his father. "Yes, dad. Thank you," he said. His dad grunted slightly and nodded, ruffling Hux's hair as he walked past him. 

"Just be careful with it," his dad called. Hux smiled, running his fingers against the edges of the box. A new phone. Maybe he could get Kylo's number. He looked down at his feet, where Millicent was rubbing against his legs, purring softly. He smiled and crouched down to pet her. 

"He likes poetry, Millicent, did I tell you that?" he murmured to her, gently rubbing his thumb against her jaw. Something similar to happiness swelled inside of his chest.

"Did you say anything?"

"No, dad!" 

Millicent only tolerated a few more minutes of gushing, before she batted at Hux with a soft paw, and walked away, leaving Hux alone with his new phone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw warnings for this chapter: anxiety attack, vomiting and implied abuse
> 
> this update is a little early, but im feeling productive. thank you for reading! <3

"So?" Kylo asked on Monday morning, appearing beside Hux, who was pulling a textbook from his locker. Hux raised an eyebrow, glancing at Kylo, whose hair was loose today, and framing his face in a way that made Hux's stomach turn. The redhead grunted softly, pulling out his math textbook along with his usual sketchbook, and turning to Kylo finally. 

"Have we forgotten the word for hello?" he said, although it wasn't serious in the slightest. "Your hair looks nice, by the way." Kylo huffed, and his cheeks flushed pink as he touched a lock of hair with a disgruntled expression. 

"Yeah, well," he said, shutting Hux's locker for him, and starting to walk to class with him. "Did you like the book?" He sounded excited, almost, Hux realized, and the thought made him smirk a little. He nodded, pulling his phone out of his pocket. 

He handed it to Kylo, who looked more than a little taken aback by this sudden offering. "It was good. I'm not used to reading poetry," he said, leaning against the wall as they reached the classroom. He eyed Kylo, who was staring at the phone as though it may have come from another planet. "I tend to stick to non-fiction when I'm reading... Have you never seen a phone before?"

Kylo glared at him, but it wasn't even close to the kind of glare he gave Rey on Friday, so Hux wasn't all that worried. "No shit, of course I've seen a phone," he muttered. "What do you want me to do with it?"

Hux rolled his eyes, and Kylo felt his skin become itchy under his binder at the sight. "Put your number in it. How else am I supposed to tell you what I think of all that..."

"Wonderful poetry?" Kylo suggested, opening the phone and putting his contact in. Hux shook his head, humming thoughtfully. "Terrible poetry?"

"More like awfully romanticized-"

"Stop right there, or I might have to smash this phone too," Kylo said, pressing it into Hux's free hand. The redhead rolled his eyes and took the phone, nodding. "I am sorry about that, though. I didn't mean to break it." Hux looked embarrassed for a moment, and Kylo's eyes were drawn to the slowly fading bruise on the pale boy's cheekbone. If only people could get bruises like that from walking into doors. 

"It's fine," Hux said, but he wasn't looking at Kylo. His gaze was focused just behind Kylo, and the taller male turned, looking for whoever Hux was staring after. He smiled a little when he spotted Phasma walking toward them. Her pale blond hair was curled, and framed her face perfectly. Hux was jealous of the way she made Kylo smile, even though it was clearly just a friendly smile. 

Phasma stopped beside them and looked at Kylo first, narrowing her eyes slightly. "I was gone for exactly four days and you've already replaced me," she said, before turning to Hux and holding out her hand for him to shake. Hux took it, and she gave it a squeeze, flashing him a bright grin. "I'm Phasma, Kylo's best friend."

Hux felt a little disappointed that the position of best friend was already taken, but the disappointment was outweighed by the anxiety he felt at meeting someone new. He'd met Rey and Finn and Poe on Friday, who had all been fairly nice. That had made his anxiety bad enough for him to last two entire weeks without wanting to talk to anyone but Kylo. But now he had to talk to Phasma, who seemed nice, but who also made his skin crawl, because he didn't know her. 

"I'm Hux," he said, and cringed when he heard his voice stutter a little. The thumping in his chest turned into thumping in his ears, and he hardly heard as Phasma offered him a sweet 'it's nice to meet you'. Did this mean Kylo wouldn't spend time with him anymore? Had he been a replacement? He felt his cheeks flush, but there was nothing he could do to make the blush go away. 

He was brought back by a hand on his shoulder - a hand he recognized as Kylo's after inspecting it for a moment too long. "Phasma was asking where you're from," Kylo said. Hux cleared his throat and turned to look at the blond, who looked both expectant and worried. He wasn't sure what to say. 

"I grew up in England, but I'm not from there."

"What do you mean you're not from there? If you grew up there, then surely you'd be-"

Hux shook his head quickly, cutting her off. "We moved when I was twelve. I got the accent, but we moved around a lot and I don't.. Consider it home," he said quietly, his voice slowly trailing off as he felt more and more overcome with nervousness. He flinched visibly when the bell rang, and Phasma chuckled, giving his arm a squeeze as she stepped past him into the classroom. 

Kylo on the other hand was more concerned. "What happened just now?" he asked. Hux's breath hitched in his throat and he considered his answer carefully before he finally said it out loud. 

"Nothing happe-"

"You totally zoned out on us," Kylo insisted. He didn't sound angry, but Hux read it as anger anyway. Kylo was angry at him. He reached up to touch his almost invisible bruise, frowning. This is what happened when people got angry at him. He looked at Kylo, and once again interpreted the concern as annoyance. 

He took a deep breath and held out his textbook and sketchbook to Kylo. "I'm going to the toilet for a moment. Will you tell Chirrut for me?" he asked, trying and failing to keep his voice from trembling. Kylo nodded, but held out his hand. Hux glanced at the other male's hand, raising an eyebrow as he realized how big his hand really was. 

"Your phone. If you drop it in the toilet or sink, it won't work anymore," he said, and Hux nodded, dropping the phone into Kylo's hand. Without thanking him, he quickly turned on his heel and ran to the toilet. He was crying even before he managed to shut himself in the cubicle, and as he shut the door behind him, the panic set in. 

He blinked. Once. Twice. Both times made his vision blurrier. Each gasp for breath was deafening, but all the other sounds - people walking through corridors, people laughing and enjoying themselves. They were enjoying themselves. At school. School. He was at school. At school with Kylo. Kylo wasn't a friend. His breath hitched as he tried to gasp, and he got to his knees as quickly as possible, flinging the toilet lid up and emptying his stomach. 

By the time he was done, his head was spinning. His vision was useless, blurred completely by his tears. The only thing he could hear was his breath. And then he couldn't. 

-

When he woke up, it felt like he'd been out for only a few seconds. But it hadn't been. He wanted to check his phone. His phone was with Kylo. He sat up, removing his face from where it was pressed to the cold, cold toilet seat. It reeked of vomit. His vomit, he slowly realized. He blinked, trying to clear his vision and the tension headache that was building at the crown of his head. 

He slowly got up, and the time it took him to flush the toilet felt like forever. He was drained, and dehydrated, he realized. He washed his face, and drank from the tap as though he hadn't seen water in days. When his throat wasn't so dry, and he couldn't taste vomit in the back of his mouth anymore, something else arose inside of him. 

Exhaustion. He trudged to his locker instead of to the classroom, fully aware that Kylo still had his phone. He got his coat, and beanie, and wrapped himself in a scarf too. He took the bus home instead of walking like he usually did. He was sure that his legs wouldn't last that long. 

-

"Armitage, is that you?" 

Hux didn't answer, just continued his way upstairs. He didn't get far, his mother's hand closing tight around his wrist. She didn't have long nails, but they dug into his skin all the same. "What are you doing home so early?" she asked, voice cold and suspicious. When there was no answer, her grip loosened and she scowled. "Do you want me to call your father?"

Hux knew that if he told his mother, he would be slapped. He would be lectured, and called useless, and be told that his mother didn't run away with his 'bastard of a father' so that he could throw his opportunities out of a window and cause himself health problems. He'd take his father's beatings over his mother's words any day. 

"Brendol!" she shouted, finally letting go of him. "Come and deal with your son. I can't be asked anymore." Hux's chest ached when he heard her say that, but he didn't let himself feel bad about it. He'd have plenty more to feel bad about later. 

-

Kylo didn't understand why Hux didn't come back. Well. He half understood. It was obvious that Hux had been anxious when he left. But he thought that the redhead would have just skipped math, and would come back after. Or at least come back by lunch. But it was clear that he wasn't coming back. 

Eventually, Kylo decided to ditch his last two periods, to take Hux's phone home to him, and to check if he was okay. It didn't take a lot to convince the receptionist, Ackbar, to tell him where Hux lived. He decided to walk, since he was in no rush to get there. When he did get there, he was greeted by the sound of shouting on the other side of the door. He felt his chest tighten, and he wished he wasn't wearing his binder. 

"I'm telling you, that child is useless! You raised him, and he is absolutely worthless! Have you seen the way he cries, Lauren?!"

"He is not my son, Brendol! He is your mistake, and nothing to do with me! You're lucky I raised him, because otherwise he would be a psychopath by now!" 

"I should have left you with your goddamned family in England!" 

There were no words, and all Kylo could hear was a woman crying, and a man breathing heavily. Maybe Ackbar had given him the wrong address. How could Hux live here, of all places? He knocked three times, not too hard, but loud enough to be heard over the background noise of the television. The door was opened a few heavy footsteps and muttered insults later. The man who opened the door looked a lot like Hux, with ginger hair and steely blue eyes that glared at Kylo as though he had crawled out of the sewers. 

"Yes?" he said expectantly, ready to slam the door on Kylo. 

"Ah, I'm.. Hux's friend. He forgot his phone, and homework, so I brought them to him," he said. He watched Hux's father hold out his hand as though expecting Kylo to hand his things over. Kylo's throat tightened and he tried to keep his expression friendly and steady. "We have a project to work on together." 

The man grunted and nodded, letting Kylo in. There was a woman who looked nothing like Hux, leaning against the kitchen counter. She was chewing her thumbnail, and crying quietly. Kylo nodded politely and looked to the man who'd opened the door. "Where is his-"

"Upstairs, first door, slightly to your left." After giving Kylo the directions to Hux's room, he slammed the front door with a tremor that seemed as though it might shatter the wall. Kylo ran upstairs, not wanting to spend another moment around these people. He found Hux's room, and when he opened the door, the sight shocked him. 

Hux was lying in bed, curled on his side, with a cat curled up against his chest. He had fallen asleep with the book of Rilke's poetry beside his head, and there were tears stains on his cheeks, and the bridge of his nose. He looked peaceful, aside from the dark bruises blooming across his side. 

The redhead was wearing nothing but his boxers, and not only were his sides covered in fresh bruises, but his knees were scraped and bloody. His ears were bruised, as well as his neck, which was adorned with angry, red marks. And one, swollen, purple-green mark across the fronts of his thighs. Kylo felt as though he'd walked into a murder scene. He was so absorbed in Hux's bruises, that he didn't see the tired, gentle blue eyes staring up at him. 

"Kylo?"


	4. Important!

Hello, everyone! 

It's me, the author. I wanted to post this before I upload the new chapter, so that's why I'm updating so early :') Anyway, one of the main reasons I write these fanfics is to make my audience happy. I'm hoping that through uploading this here, you'll all be able to help me make a decision. 

I started this fanfiction fairly recently, and I love writing it, just as I'm sure lots of you enjoy reading it. However, I have had an idea for a very similar fanfiction. The idea is fairly similar, and still includes: FTM transgender Kylo, emo Kylo, polyamorous Rey/Finn/Poe, and Hux living in an abusive household. The differences are that: it would be told from Kylo's point of view, and the chapters would be much longer (I'd be aiming for approximately five thousand words per chapter, at least). 

However, if I wrote this fanfiction, I'd have to stop writing this one. If you guys could leave what you'd prefer in the comments below, I'd really appreciate it. As always, thank you for reading, and I hope you have a wonderful day 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive posted the new fanfic i was talking about :') its called Bad Poetry on Starlit Rooftops, if anyone wants to check it out. as always, thank you for reading, have a wonderful day! <3

Hux's eyes widened when he realised that Kylo was really standing in his bedroom, staring at him. He was covered in bruises and marks, he slowly realised as he woke up, and Kylo could see all of them. He slowly stood up, holding Millicent in his arms as he did so. She protested a little, but settled in his arms after a moment and let him hold her. He turned his attention to Kylo. "What are you doing here?" he asked quietly. 

Kylo sighed, drawing his eyes from Hux's mottled bruises to his face, and trying his best to keep his focus there. "You left your phone, and homework," he said, trying his best to keep the stutter out of his voice. Hux wanted to tell him that he knew he'd left his phone, and that he really didn't care if he left it at school. But that would be rude, and Hux wasn't rude. He nodded towards his desk, and Kylo set his phone and the crumpled sheet of paper down. He looked back at Hux and reached out carefully. "Can I..." 

Hux set Millicent down, and nodded, smiling a little. "Be my guest," he mumbled, and his voice was still rough from sleep. Kylo let out a quiet sigh, and reached out, running his calloused fingertips over the bruises on Hux's side. Hux drew in a sharp breath, but let the other continue, shutting his eyes slightly. He opened his eyes again when he felt Kylo's fingertips on the aching, red imprint across his thighs. "Careful.. That one still hurts." Kylo looked up at him, his dark eyes softer than Hux had seen them in the few days since he'd been going to this school. 

Kylo let out a long lungful of air as he stood up straight and ran a hand through his hair. He looked at Hux carefully, not wanting to upset the smaller male. "Will you tell me what happened?" he asked, and Hux's cheeks flushed a little. 

"Let me get dressed," he mumbled, stepping past Kylo. He picked out a sweater, and sweatpants, that covered nearly all of his body. The only evidence of what Kylo had seen just seconds ago were his bruised ears, and the crimson marks which flushed around his neck. He shrugged a little and looked back at Kylo, who was chewing on his bottom lip, looking something imbetween distressed and sad. 

"Will you tell me what-"

"I'm sure you've figured it out," Hux interrupted him, looking down at his hands, and picking at the skin around his nails. His brows were furrowed, and his blue eyes looked distant, and almost glassy. "I mean. You saw my father, and my mother. They must've been arguing about..." He stops to take a deep breath, and looks up at Kylo as though he's looking at someone who's come to kill him. "They were arguing about me, so I'm sure you know what happened."

Kylo's stomach turned and he sighed, feeling guilty. He didn't know why he felt guilty - it wasn't his fault, after all. But he couldn't help but feel bad. "Can I be your friend?" he asked instead, raising an eyebrow. Hux looked up at him and smiled a little, snorting. Kylo felt his cheeks flush. "I'm serious, Hux."

Hux rolled his eyes and nodded. "Yes, you can be my friend, Kylo," he said, and his voice had a playful tone to it. "I'm sure that it would be wonderful to be your friend." Kylo smiled a little and nodded, rubbing the back of his head. Now that he'd gotten over the initial shock of seeing Hux covered in bruises, he felt a little awkward and unsure of himself. What was he supposed to do in the bedroom of this guy he barely knew. 

"Will you watch Millicent for me?" Hux asked suddenly, gesturing to the cat who was pawing at the small space between the floor and the door. "Whilst I get homework done. After that, we can listen to that... weird stuff that you were listening to." Kylo laughed when Hux called his music taste 'weird', and nodded, picking Millicent up. 

She mewed, and swiped at his face, but didn't manage to do much damage. Hux was already settled at his desk, taking care of the homework Chirrut had given them. It wasn't much, and he was sure that he could finish it with enough time to hang out properly with Kylo. He was grateful that Kylo had brought him the homework, really. But he was much more grateful for the fact that even after the bruises, Kylo was still the same awkward, worried guy he'd been before. Nothing had changed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was my birthday yesterday, so i was busy this week with birthday things :') here's another update for you lovely people. have a wonderful day <3

Hux was surprised to find that despite Kylo knowing about what happened in his house, their relationship didn't change much. It was still mostly based on listening to music together and reading poetry. Although, after a few more days, Kylo started to give Hux poetry that he'd written.

Much to his surprise, Kylo's poetry wasn't nearly as sad and emo as he expected it to be. It was actually quite romantic, and all the metaphors are surprisingly soft and gentle. Hux loved his poetry - much more than Rilke's, anyway. But he didn't tell Kylo. Instead, he poked fun at how sweet some of the lines were, and laughed at how easily Kylo blushed. 

"Hux," Kylo said, patting the desk in front of the redhead. Hux had been absorbed in trying to decipher one of the more complex metaphors Kylo had written, and when Kylo patted the desk, he flinched, swearing at the other. 

"What?" he muttered, folding the poem away and looking up at Kylo, who pulled a chair over from another desk and sat in front of him. Hux slowly became more aware of his surroundings, looking around at the groups of people who were either messing around or discussing something. 

Kylo smirked a little, and took the poem from Hux's hand, setting it down on the table. "Group work, for poetry," he said, grinning. Hux couldn't help but smile at how excited the other male looked, and nodded, focusing on the dark-haired boy's happiness to distract himself from how tired he was. "You want to come over tonight? We can work on it then."

Hux shook his head, running his hand through his hair. "Kylo, I don't think I should-"

"Please, Hux, it'll be fun," he said, his expression serious and pleading. "Anyway, you never do anything after school, your dad can't get angry at you if it's just one night."

The redhead had never been subject to peer pressure, and he'd never thought that he would be so easy to convince. "Ugh. Fine," he muttered. But it turned out, he was much more weak-willed than he liked to think he was.

-

"This isn't what I had in mind when you said we'd be studying..." he said quietly. He kept his voice hushed, even though it was just him and Kylo. He looked around and sighed, biting his lip and turning to Kylo. The dark-haired male was smiling at him as he sat down, patting the floor in front of him. Hux sat down, running a hand through his hair. 

"But it's cool, right?" Kylo asked, setting down his phone and finding music to play. The song wasn't something Hux had heard before. The title of the YouTube video read 'Lil Peep Star Shopping 1 hour', and Hux rolled his eyes, smiling a little. He nodded at Kylo's question, hugging his knees to his chest. 

It wasn't cold out, nor was it hot. A normal temperature, comfortable for them to be outside. But Hux shuddered anyway, and Kylo's eyes widened. He immediately shrugged off his jacket, holding it out to Hux. The redhead shook his head, frowning. "No, I don't-"

"Just take it," Kylo insisted, and Hux did as he was told, pulling it tight around him and letting out a quiet sigh of satisfaction. He was warmer now, and he snuggled his face against the collar of the jacket. Kylo opened an A4 notebook, picking up a black gel pen, tapping it against his chin. "I was thinking that we should write something similar to a Lil Peep song..."

"So something emo?" Hux teased, moving so that he was sitting beside Kylo. Kylo rolled his eyes, and gently elbowed Hux in the side. The redhead whined and looked down at the blank notebook, huffing. "I don't know, Kylo.. I don't listen to Lil Peep unless I'm with you, and I don't really pay attention to the lyrics when we're together." Kylo sighed.

"Listen," he said firmly. He paused to pull his hair up into a ponytail, and then reached forward, turning the music up much louder. Hux shut his eyes as he listened, sighing quietly. 

'I know that I'm nothing like someone the family want me to be,  
If I find a way, would you walk it with me?'

Hux stopped listening to the music, instead listening to Kylo breathe. He didn't know if the other boy had noticed, but he often breathed through his mouth, and Hux could hear him doing so now. The redhead tipped his head back carefully, keeping his eyes shut.

'This music's the only thing keepin' the peace when I'm fallin' to pieces,  
Look at the sky tonight, all of the stars have a reason.'

Hux opened his eyes, looking up at the night sky, staring at the few stars that he could see. He couldn't really see that many, maybe because there was light coming out of Kylo's skylight, but it was still beautiful. He loved it. 

'A reason to shine like mine and I'm fallin' to pieces  
Look at the sky tonight, all of the stars have a reason.'

Hux turned to look at Kylo, and wasn't really all that surprised to find the other staring back at him already. His chapped lips were parted, and his eyes were flitting over Hux's features. He didn't look away when they suddenly made eye contact. Hux let his own lips part, and he breathed in the cool air through his mouth, his heart racing in his chest. 

He let himself look at Kylo's lips. There was something so, so peaceful, and so, so close about the way their knees touched, and the way that Kylo was only a breath away. They could kiss if they wanted to. Hux did want to. He wanted to, so badly. 

He leaned forward, and Kylo met him halfway, pressing their lips together. The sad hip hop was still playing in the background as they kissed softly. Kylo let his lips fall open, and Hux did the same, not really sure which one of them was leading the kiss. He was lips and tongue and hot breath that was neither his nor Kylo's, but both of theirs, and nothing else mattered. 

When they were done, so was the song, their display of affection close to over. Kylo opened his mouth to speak, but the last thing Hux wanted was to lose this moment. He shut Kylo up with another kiss, softer this time, and sighed when he felt Kylo melt into him. He opened his blue eyes again and pulled back, pressing the replay button and felt the air around them become full of that same comfortable peace as before. 

He sat closer to Kylo, leaning his head against the other male's shoulder and shutting his eyes. Kylo rested his head atop Hux's, and took Hux's hand, lacing their fingers together. Hux felt safe, for the first time in a long time. He wished that this moment could last forever.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for gender dysphoria and v soft, affectionate smut. thank you for being patient w me :')

Hux felt as though he were the most important boy in the world as Kylo walked him to his front door. He stopped the dark-haired male from leaving, pulling him into another soft kiss, which turned into another long, deep kiss, that left him weak-kneed and wanting more.

By the time they were done, both of them were shuddering from how cold it was outside. Hux grinned and leaned in for one last quick kiss, taking off Kylo's jacket and handing it back to him. Kylo smirked a little and gave Hux's hand a soft squeeze. "Will you message me when you're in bed?" he asked Hux quietly, still sounding awfully excited from their kissing earlier.

"Why do you want me to message you when I'm in bed?" Hux asked, raising an eyebrow. Kylo rolled his eyes and let go of Hux's hands, putting on his coat again.

"I want to know that nothing happened. Whether you're safe or not," he said quietly, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. Hux rolled his eyes and nodded, shuddering in the cold.

"You act as though I haven't been living with him all my life," he mumbled. "I'll be fine. Drive safe." Kylo nodded, and opened his mouth to say something, before deciding against it, and shutting his mouth again. He waved to Hux as he left, and the redhead watched him leave in his car.

As he made to unlock the front door, it swung open, and his father grabbed him by the collar, pulling him inside and throwing him against the floor. Hux's heart jumped into his mouth and he looked up at his dad, tears already welling in his eyes.

He didn't feel nearly as important as he had done with Kylo, and panic was already starting to rise in his chest. It felt like he might choke on it. "Dad, I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Shut up!" his father roared, gripping Hux's wrist and pulling him upright. "Where were you after school? Being a faggot with that kid, who I let into my house?!" Hux flinched with nearly every word his father said, and when he blinked, the tears in his eyes ran down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he repeated quietly, his voice shaking. His father set him down, and when he slapped him, Hux felt as thought the pain that erupted in the side of his face and echoed into his head and neck would never end. He was hit again, much harder his time, in his chest.

The breath was knocked out of him, and he sobbed. "I'm sorry!" he screamed, but his father didn't care, pushing Hux down onto his knees. The hits kept coming, and Hux felt trapped and suffocated by all the pain. "Stop, please, stop!"

By the time his father was done with him, he felt spineless, as though every bone in his body had been crushed. He wouldn't have been surprised if a few of his bones really were fractured. He forced himself to go upstairs, shutting the door to his room and laying down in bed.

There was pain everywhere, and Hux couldn't escape any of it. Maybe if he had told his father where he was going, this wouldn't have happened. No. He wouldn't have been allowed to go, and then he wouldn't have kissed Kylo. He didn't know which was worse.

-

Kylo spent the whole night worrying. There was no text from Hux. And then, the redhead didn't come to school. Phasma just rolled her eyes and laughed. "Maybe he's just sick," she'd said. Rey agreed, as did Finn and Poe. Kylo frowned though, feeling both worried and helpless.

He got up, suddenly, sighing. "I'm gonna go check on him," he mumbled, sighing. Rey's eyes widened, and she tried to grab his wrist, but he pulled it away. She huffed loudly and glared af him slightly.

"Why is he so important to you?" she asked, obviously frustrated. Phasma reached over and flicked Poe's hand, raising an eyebrow as she smirked slightly.

"Ten dollars says he kissed him," she said, keeping her voice hushed.

"No way. She's not that stupid," Poe said, and Phasma grimaced at the use of incorrect pronouns. Kylo rolled his eyes and waved at them. He had almost left the dining hall, when he turned back and shouted 'yes, I kissed him'. Poe groaned and Phasma hummed softly.

It didn't take Kylo too long to sign out of school as sick, and he practically ran to Hux's house, out of breath by the time he got there. He sighed softly, knocking on the door. "Hux?" he called, waiting a few moments before he knocked again. There was a groan from the other side of the door.

"Give me a second," Hux called, his voice hoarse and still sleepy-sounding. Kylo felt himself settle a little, and he clenched his fists as he waited for Hux to open the door. When the redhead finally opened his door, Kylo felt his stomach drop a little.

Hux looked exhausted, as well as very obviously beaten up. There was a small cut on his cheek that was surrounded by a smear of dried blood. He sighed softly, and smiled at Kylo. "Are you seriously skipping school just to come and check on me?" he asked softly, pausing to clear his throat.

"What happened?" Kylo asked, stepping past Hux inside. "Why didn't you message me?" Hux carefully shut the door behind the dark-haired male and stepped forward, leaning into his chest. Kylo listened to his breathing for a few moments, hesitantly putting his arms around the other.

"I was really tired... A lot of stuff happened and I forgot," he mumbled, letting out a long sigh. Kylo nodded and leaned his head against the top of the ginger's head, chewing on his bottom lip. He was glad that he'd skipped school to check on him.

When Hux was wearing this massive sweater that practically swallowed him whole, along with huge sweatpants, Kylo really couldn't tell how bad the damage was. He gently ran his fingertips over Hux's torso, pressing lightly every now and then, until Hux suddenly whined and pulled away. When Kylo saw his expression, he felt awfully guilty.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly, looking away. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." Hux glared at him slightly and reached out, gently punching his arm.

"Just ask, next time you want to know how bad it is," Hux mumbled, slowly taking off the oversized sweater, and holding onto it so tightly that his knuckles became white. "There. It's worse than usual, that's why I didn't come to school."

Kylo frowned, staring at the mottled purple, green and brown bruises and marks that stained his pale, freckled skin. Hux was right, this was worse than what he'd seen before. "Hux..." he whispered, pulling his hand away as though even the slightest touch might injure the redhead.

Hux slapped at his hand and raised an eyebrow. "It's not as bad as it looks," he said, putting his sweatshirt back on, and giving Kylo a hesitant smile. "I'm pale, and it looks shitty. I can handle myself, okay?" Kylo nodded silently, his dark eyes boring into Hux's pale ones. "Come on, let's go upstairs."

They went upstairs, and somewhere in between listening to The Neighbourhood and looking for passages by Oscar Wilde, the two of them ended up kissing. Kylo pulled Hux onto his lap, and he leaned back against the wall, letting Hux scatter kisses all over his neck and jaw.

The redhead wasn't nervous about this - he was comfortable enough around Kylo to do all of this kissing and be vulnerable without a second thought. He wasn't self-conscious about the evident growing bulge in his pants, or the way his breath hitched in his throat every time either of them moved their hips.

Kylo, on the other hand, felt as though he was being held at gunpoint. With every move of the other's hips, or every time they kissed, or every time Hux moaned quietly in his ear, he felt himself becoming wetter and it made him incredibly uncomfortable. How was he supposed to enjoy this when he was so overwhelmed by how incorrect his body was?

Hux noticed, and he stopped, pulling back with flushed cheeks to look at Kylo worriedly. "What's wrong?" he asked breathlessly, reaching up to gently cup Kylo's cheek. Kylo leaned his face into the redhead's gentle touch, shaking his head and taking a deep breath.

"It's nothing," he says quickly. Hux frowns and shifts his hips slightly, biting his lip at the friction against his crotch.

"You're not hard, and you're obviously uncomfortable..." Hux said quietly, kissing fondly at Kylo's neck. The dark-haired male was quiet, sighing softly at the feeling of hickeys being left on his neck. "Tell me what's wrong."

Kylo was quiet for a long time, and then he undid his trousers, taking Hux's hand in his and staring at him. His expression was equal parts vulnerable and defensive. He was ready to be angry and upset if Hux reacted badly, the smaller male realised. "Don't be upset with me." Hux just nodded.

Kylo guided the other's hand beneath his underwear with his own shaking hand, and Hux gasped softly when his fingertips came in contact not with a flaccid length, as he'd expected, but skin that was wet and slick. Kylo sucked in a sharp breath and shuddered slightly.

Kylo's cheeks were dark, and he was shaking, Hux realised. Was he scared? Or just turned on? Hux shook his head, but didn't move his hand. "I'm not upset," he said quickly. He was filled with joy at the thought of Kylo willingly telling him something so intimate and important. "We don't have to keep going if you don't want to."

Kylo didn't answer, so after a few moments of silence, they returned to their feverish kissing and grinding, and nothing more.

Kylo was completely consumed by the thought of Hux knowing, and not minding. Hux knowing, and still wanting him. Hux's mind was filled with many things, but annoyance definitely isn't one of them. He's excited. Kylo trusts him. They both know important things about each other now. But Hux still doesn't see it as getting even.


	8. Chapter 8

Something has changed between Hux and Kylo, Rey realises. She narrows her eyes slightly as she looks at the two of them, who are leaning together as they bicker over what song to listen to on Kylo's phone. She doesn't believe that Kylo will have told Hux. Nor does she believe that they kissed. It's all just a big front to annoy her, she's sure. 

"Ben," she says, and Kylo doesn't look up. Hux does. His pale eyes stare at her for a long while, and then he blinks, raising an eyebrow. 

"His name is Kylo," he says. At the sound of his name, the dark-haired male looks up at Hux, and then looks from him to Rey, when the other male doesn't say anything. She sighs quietly, and tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. Why Kylo doesn't answer to his birth name anymore, she doesn't understand.

"I was going to ask if you wanted to come over on Saturday," she said quietly, leaning her head on her palm. "Finn and Poe are already coming over. We're gonna watch My Friend Dahmer." Kylo raised an eyebrow. That was, in fact, his favourite movie. Rey wasn't inviting him over. She was trying to convince him to come over. 

"Yeah, sure," he said with a small shrug, looking back down at his phone, and pressing play for the song Hux had wanted to listen to. The redhead sighed and leaned into him slightly. Kylo bit his lip when he saw Rey's brows draw together. "Can Hux come too?"

Both Rey and Hux were taken aback by this, the brunette whining whilst the redhead just stared at Kylo in disbelief. "You know what would happen if I left the house for anything other than school," he mumbled to Kylo, slapping his arm lightly. "What do you want to achieve by offering me something I can't have?" 

Kylo frowned, and changed the song to one he'd wanted to listen to. "But we're going to watch Dahmer, and we'll have pizza, probably, and it'll be fun," he said, looking at Hux, who seemed to be at war with himself. Rey was in shock. She'd never heard the phrase 'it'll be fun' come out of Kylo's mouth before. 

Hux sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Kylo, I can't..."

"Look, tell you what, Rey can get Luke to call your dad," he said, his expression softening into a more hopeful one. "He'll tell your dad that you and Rey are working on something together. It'll be fine. I promise." Rey didn't want to agree to anything of this sort, but she nodded, offering Hux a tight-lipped smile. She still wasn't fond of the redhead, nor was she fond of how fond Kylo was of him. It was jarring.

Hux shut his eyes and tucked his head against Kylo's shoulder. Other people in the canteen were staring at the two. Rey may not have seen Kylo as a boy, but she thought he looked boyish, and the two of them were drawing attention to themselves. Kylo wasn't nearly as affectionate as Hux was, but he let the redhead be quiet and affectionate, gently nuzzling against his shoulder. "You promise."

"I promise," Kylo confirmed, glancing at Rey, his expression much softer than usual. She was taken aback by this, and frowned slightly. His expression hardened again when Hux sat up properly, taking out one of the earphones he and Kylo were sharing. He rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"Fine," he said. "I'll come. Let me go to the bathroom, okay?" Kylo nodded and watched the redhead leave.

-

It wasn't until much later, when Rey and Kylo were alone at Luke's house, that her slight annoyance finally peaked, turning into something that was definitely argument-worthy. "Why do you spend so much time with him?" she asked, looking up from where she was working on a sheet of science homework. Kylo was writing a poem (no doubt for Hux), and listening to My Chemical Romance. He probably wouldn't hear the apocalypse if it were happening right beside him. She leaned back from her seat and pulled out his earphones.

Kylo growled and tried to snatch them back. She held them away from him, setting them down on her desk along with his battered phone. "What do you want?" he asked, setting his notebook aside. She sighed and spun in her chair, stopping after a moment or two to look at Kylo. 

"Why do you spend so much time with him?" she asked. Kylo's eyes narrowed slightly.

"I don't know, Rey. Why do you spend so much time with your boyfriends?" he retorted, bitter and wanting his phone back. 

She rolled her eyes. "It's different with them," she said with a small shrug. "They're my boyfriends. Hux isn't your boyfriend."

"How do you know he's not my-"

"Because he's gay, and you're not a guy, Ben!" she shouted suddenly, knocking Kylo's phone onto the floor. The male felt his chest ache. He felt pain in his joints, and was disgustingly aware of between his legs. He shouldn't have taken off his binder when he got here. "Sorry. I'm sorry. But it's true." She nodded as though confirming something to herself. Kylo snatched his phone and stood up abruptly, not bothering to pick up his notebook. 

He was quiet for a long time, and Rey didn't know whether or not to be worried. Maybe he was just putting on a big show for nothing. Kylo and her were just as strong as eachother, after all. "I am a fucking boy!" he shouted, and kicked the wall, leaving a dent. Rey's eyes widened, and she got up, grabbing Kylo's arms. 

"Ben, stop! Don't-"

"Don't fucking touch me!" he shouted, elbowing her in the chest, and throwing his phone at the ground, kicking it so that it hit the wall. "Don't fucking touch me until you think I'm a boy!" He shoved her, and when she hit the floor, she swore. Kylo kicked her wall again, this time leaving a hole. 

"Ben!"

"That's not my fucking name!" he shouted, and turned to face her, tears welling in his eyes. "Don't call me that ever again!" He swore, shouted and knocked things over as he left the house, and Rey was left more than a little shaken. She didn't believe her cousin was a boy, but it seemed as though if she didn't start to treat Kylo as a boy, she'd lose him entirely. And that was the last thing she wanted.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey sorry if this is late :')   
> theres only a few chapters left of this fanfic, but!!! im starting another one in a week, give or take a few days. its gonna be a kylux myspace au fanfic, and itll be longer and better written than this one. so keep checking my account if you wanna check that out. ily all, have a great day <3

Kylo had been missing school on his periods since he started high school. The dysphoria, cramps and headaches put together had proven to be too much, so he spent a week every month curled up in bed, moving as little as possible and hating his body in a way that sometimes made him want to cry. But today was different. Missing school wasn't just missing school anymore - it was missing a day with Hux, too, and he already had so little time with his kind-of-boyfriend that the last thing he wanted to do was miss out on an entire day with him. 

But when he tried to get out of bed, he was overcome with a nausea that almost knocked him straight off his feet, and decided to just stay in bed and eat the breakfast his mum had made him. He spent most of the day shifting uncomfortably in bed, and sending silly pictures of dogs to Hux, hoping to entertain the other whilst he was at school. Hux, on the other hand, spent his day trailing along beside Phasma, and trying not to get distracted by the silly pictures Kylo kept sending to him. 

As soon as he finished school, he put in his earphones, and called Kylo, smiling a little when his screen was filled by Kylo's tired, tear-stained face. "Hey there," said, looking away from his phone to cross the street, before looking back at Kylo. His cheeks flushed as he looked at the redhead - at his perfectly styled hair, the slowly fading bruise on his cheekbone, and fond green eyes that didn't always look at the screen. Hux rolled his eyes and his smile got a little bigger. "Aren't you going to say anything?" 

Kylo sniffled and wiped another tear that had made its way across his face, smiling hesitantly at Hux. "I missed you," he said quietly. Hux's cheeks flushed a little, and he looked at Kylo for a while, nodding. 

"I missed you too," he said quietly. He paused again to cross the street, before looking back at the screen, his cheeks still flushed pink as he did so. "Why'd you stay home? You're not sick, are you?" The last thing he wanted was for Kylo to miss more than a day. He'd gotten so attached to the sense of protection Kylo gave him that he hadn't really spoken to anyone else, and lacked any real friends. But he knew it was selfish to think of himself like that. If Kylo was sick, he wanted him to get better as quickly as possible. 

Kylo cleared his throat and sat up properly, shifting the hot water bottle that was tucked into his trousers, pressed against his aching abdomen. "No, I'm fine," he said quickly, tucking a lock of hair that had strayed from his bun behind his ear. He smiled, rubbing his eyes, his eyelids tinted purple. "I got my period last night..." Hux gasped softly and swore under his breath, rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Do you want me to come over?"

"No, Hux, your dad won't-"

"My dad's not in town. Please, Kylo?" Hux pleaded, his brows drawing together. Kylo sighed softly. He couldn't even tell if Hux was lying. Maybe Hux's dad was home, and the redhead was still willing to come over. Kylo wouldn't be able to forgive himself for the kind of disaster that would cause. But he trusted Hux. Relationships needed trust, didn't they? He nodded.

"Okay," he mumbled. "Can you stay overnight?" Hux's lips tugged into a small smile and he nodded. Kylo felt his heart flutter, and the guilt that had been weighing heavily on his chest just a moment ago was gone. 

"Yeah, of course," he said, pausing in front of his house. "I'll see you in a half hour."

It was a little over a half hour, but when Hux got there, Kylo was elated all the same. When his mum opened the front door, Kylo made his way downstairs even though he was aching everywhere, and tears were welling in his eyes. His mother stepped aside, and Kylo hugged onto Hux, clinging onto him and pressing his face into his shoulder. "Hey," he murmured. Hux was taken aback, but it was the first affectionate thing aside from kisses that he'd gotten from Kylo. There was no way he'd reject it.

"Hello," the redhead said quietly, putting an arm around Kylo's waist, fondly stroking his hair. He turned and smiled at Kylo's mum, holding out his hand to shake hers. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Hux." 

"And I'm Leia," she said, offering a small smile after shaking Hux's hand. "You two boys want me to order takeaway?" 

Hux glanced at Kylo, who seemed to be completely oblivious to his mother standing right beside the two of them. The redhead nodded. "If it's no bother, that would be nice." Leia nodded, and turned to leave. 

As soon as she was out of earshot, Hux turned his head, pressing several kisses against the side of Kylo's head. The dark-haired male hummed appreciatively and finally turned his head to look at him. His cheeks were flushed from having been in a cocoon of blankets and warmth all day, but he smiled a little at Hux. "Is your dad really gone?" he asked quietly, raising an eyebrow. Hux stares at him for a while, his green eyes guilty and calm all at once. He shut his eyes and shook his head.

"He's home."

"Hux!"

"Kylo, please."

"Hux, no!" Kylo protests, still clinging to Hux, hips pressed against the redhead's and his chin resting on his shoulder. He's pouting a little. Hux wonders if it's the hormones or the cramps that have made him so touchy-feely. "You can't just go like that, you know you can't..! What if something happens to-"

"But you were willing to ask me over to Rey's house," he murmured, his voice teasing and not at all as serious as it should have been. He kissed Kylo's forehead, and the other seemed to completely melt, humming as he pressed his face into Hux's shoulder, moving a hand to press to his abdomen. "Let's go, I want to see your room..." He really was curious, and Kylo seemed so spineless right then that he just agreed, taking Hux's hand and leading him upstairs.

Hux looked around the room, inspecting the posters and verses of poetry adorning the dark walls, looking at the small scraps of paper and small things scattered around the room. He blinked a few times, settng his bag down. He'd almost forgotten that people lived their lives like this - with small, insignificant objects of value, and with pieces of paper to decorate the walls, and colours that meant more to them than some of the furniture they owned. 

He sighed quietly, and glanced at Kylo, who was watching him warily as though he might be some kind of threat. He shut his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose quietly. "I forgot... People, they..." he stopped, sitting down beside Kylo and pulling him into his lap. The two of them settled down, tangling limbs and pressing foreheads together like they might fall apart if any part of them wasn't touching. "I forgot people live like this." Hux's voice was steadier now. 

Kylo leaned into him, kissing his top lip carefully, as though it were something fragile. "You live like this," he whispered. "Stay here, please." Hux shut his eyes and shook his head. 

"Just for tonight." Kylo nodded and shut his eyes. Just tonight was enough.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is short and kinda badly written, but i hope you all enjoy it! anyway, happy valentines, i hope you had a nice day <3

Even though Kylo knew what Hux's dad was like, he didn't really think it through when Hux stayed over at his house for two more nights. Nor did he think it through when he managed to convince Hux to come over to Rey's house with him, because the last thing he wanted was to be alone with Rey and her two boyfriends for an entire day. He avoided thinking about Hux's father for two reasons. Firstly, it made him feel guilty and sick to his stomach. Secondly, whenever he brought it up to Hux, the redhead would shake his head and distract Kylo with a few kisses pressed to his lips and soft praise whispered in his ear.

But he should have known better. When he went back to school on Monday, Hux wasn't there. His attempts at calling Hux went unanswered, and when he stopped by to knock on the door after school, there was no reply. He tried again on Tuesday to no avail. By Wednesday, the worry and guilt pooling in his chest became almost unbearable. And it was Rey, of all people, who finally noticed. 

"Kylo," she mumbled, her voice so quiet that Kylo didn't hear her. She huffed, pausing for a moment before she spoke again. "Kylo." Kylo looked up at her, his eyes widening. He stared at her for a few moments, trying to detect any sort of sarcasm or mocking in her tone or expression. 

"You just called me Kylo," he said quietly, a smile tugging at his lips. He looked at her, his expression brighter than it had been these past few days. Rey felt relief at the sight of her cousin finally feeling something other than annoyance or irritation towards her. She nodded and leaned forward a little across the table, not wanting the librarian to hear what they were talking about.

"Yeah," she said, leaning her head against her palm. "Anyway. What's wrong with you? You look miserable." Kylo raised an eyebrow and shook his head. 

"I'm not-"

"Tell me," Rey insisted, pushing at the subject even though Kylo looked uncomfortable and slightly annoyed to have to be talking about this. He tucked a lock of hair behind his ear, leaning forward so that they could whisper to eachother.

He hesitated for a moment, biting his bottom lip before he spoke. "It's Hux," he murmured. Rey frowned slightly, almost annoyed. If Kylo was just having boy troubles then there really had been no point in pushing and trying to find out what was wrong. "His dad hits him, a lot... Anyway, he stayed over at my house three days without telling his dad. And now he won't answer the phone, and no one answers the door when I go over there."

Rey's brows drew together and she looked at Kylo, trying to figure out whether he was telling the truth or not. But he didn't look like he was lying. She swore under her breath. "Do you... What happened?" she asked, frowning. She didn't like Hux very much, but if he was important to Kylo, she could make an effort. It wasn't a big deal. "Shouldn't you tell someone? Like, a teacher or something? You could tell-"

Kylo shook his head. "Hux wouldn't want me to."

"But this is about his safety, Kylo," she insisted, trying to keep eye contact even though Kylo was pointedly avoiding her gaze. "Something might be wrong. Something might have happened... You should tell someone. At least tell Leia or Han." The dark-haired male sighed, rubbing the back of his neck tiredly. He knew that ey was right, but that was the worst part about it. Hux wouldn't want him to tell. Hux would reassure him that everything was okay, that he could deal with this and that he would tell someone if something bad happened. But Hux would be here if he was okay, and he wasn't. 

Kylo frowned, glaring at Rey slightly. It was her fault for being right about this. It was easier to know he was doing the wrong thing and wallow in guilt than it was to do the right thing. "Okay," he said. "But I'm going to check his house one last time." Rey nodded, seemingly satisfied with this answer. 

Kylo had been expecting the same thing when he went to Hux's house after school. He'd expected an empty, quiet house where no one answered the door, but that wasn't what he found. His stomach dropped at the sight of an ambulance parked outside Hux's house, and the door open. He swore loudly and ran inside, met with Hux's mother, who was crying, and Hux's father who was arguing with an ambulance person. His eyes widened and he swore again, pushing past Hux's mother to get upstairs. 

Hux was sitting up against the wall, breathing heavily and shaking as two paramedics helped him - one asking questions, the other doing something which looked like it was having little affect on the wailing redhead. "Hux?" Kylo asked, his brows drawn together. The other male opened his eyes and he whimpered when he saw Kylo. He didn't smile, but his wailing slowed and he took a few deep, shuddering breaths. 

"I'm sorry," Hux whimpered. The paramedic who had been talking to him turned to look at Kylo and raised an eyebrow. 

"Do you know him?" he asked, waiting expectantly for an answer. Kylo stared at the bruising all over Hux's ribs, and his horribly swollen shoulder, which was also covered in ugly, mottled bruises. "Exuse me?" the paramedic said, obviously starting to become impatient. 

Kylo took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes, that's my boyfriend." he saisd firmly. "Can I talk to him? Please?" The paramedic nodded and moved out of the way and Kylo let out a sigh of relief, crouching beside Hux and taking his hand. "I'm sorry, Hux, I didn't think, I shouldn't have let you stay, I'm-"

Hux cut him off, shaking his head slightly. There was dried blood around his nose, which was crooked, a bump showing where clearly he'd been hit. "I'm fine," he said. Kylo shook his head and laughed, bringing Hux's hand to his lips and kissing at his knuckles fondly. 

"Liar," he said, trying to keep the worry out of his voice. "Why didn't you call?" Hux tried to shrug, and drew in a sharp breath, whining and nodding as the paramedic told him to keep his shoulder still. Kylo sighed and gave Hux's hand a gentle squeeze.

"Take a guess, Kylo," he mumbled, his green eyes finally focusing properly on the other. "I missed you." The paramedic set a hand on Kylo's shoulder and asked him to move aside. Hux forced a smile for Kylo before he shut his eyes tight, huffing. Kylo nodded, sitting down on Hux's bed and staying there even after the ambulance had left, and he was left only with the sound of Hux's mother crying in the kitchen. 

"I missed you too," he murmured finally, putting his head in his hands.


End file.
